The sad truth is I’ve heard too many stories of abuse and missionary trauma happening on the mission field to ignore this subject. I’ve experienced my own traumas. When I was a young, new missionary to Uganda I was told by a leader I would only hurt people and told to go home, even though all I’d tried to do was raise awareness about the injustice and colonial mindset within the organization.
But the stories I’ve heard in my surveys have gone beyond what I thought possible. They’ve been devastating, shocking, and eye-opening. Stories poured out of global workers, stories of sexual assault, spiritual abuse, sexism, manipulation, condemnation, gossip, coverups by leaders, child abuse, vicarious trauma, emergency evacuations, lack of support, burnout, and neglect. These were stories I never wanted to read or believe could actually occur within Christian organizations. One such horrific story is below:
“I went with Africa Inland Mission and was put under an abusive team leader. After being sexually assaulted on the field my leader told me I had two weeks to prove myself if I wanted to be a part of the team. I was also still staying in the same room I had been attacked in. Out if fear I didn’t ID the my attacker. My leader convinced aim leadership that I was a liar. They sent me to Kenya for counseling and was told that the counselor needed to clear me to go back on the field. The counselor DID clear me to return to the field but the team leader manipulated everyone and AIM sent me home in shame and labeled me a liar. I was also told I had been “difficult to work with” because I failed to ID the guy that attacked me. While I was in Kenya doing counseling NO ONE from AIM ever checked up on me. No one came to ask me my story and what had happened. When I got back I was kicked out of the organization and my story was swept under the rug. Sadly, my entire team of 8 adults now all need trauma therapy because of the team leader hurting them.” -Anonymous
Due to traumas like this, many missionaries experience long-term PTSD effects, and some even lose their evangelical faith from being abused by Christian leaders who are supposed to protect them. It is normal on the mission field to deconstruct your faith in the face of unimaginable suffering and poverty, but these abuses amplify the problem, as missionaries often view their church, sending org, or leaders, as extensions of God. When their trust is broken, it can lead to disillusionment or the dissolution of their faith. This is an issue that both angers and saddens me, and makes me want to fight for justice on behalf of those who do not feel they have a voice or are too frightened of the repercussions.
Healing Trauma from the Mission Field
- Safety: Safety is a necessary precursor to healing. Without it, we can’t delve into the trauma that needs excavation. If missionaries are in a dangerous, or emotionally unsafe situation, then the risk of opening up fully will be too great for them, and rightly so. As painful as it may be, leaving a toxic sending org, organization, or team dynamic, might be the first step in healing. If you are in a dangerous or abusive situation please report it to the highest level and leave immediately.
- Support: The number one thing missing for most missionaries is empathetic support. Most global workers are dropped off on the field without a solid member care team behind them to debrief with or to care for their emotional, spiritual, and physical needs or issues that arise. This is a tragedy but is sadly the case in most of the interviews I’ve done. What they need most is ongoing support in the form of counseling, coaching, debriefing, friendship, and just having someone to listen to them who will not judge, or punish them for being honest. Because many member care teams are tied to the organization that pays their salary, many missionaries don’t feel they can be authentic for fear of negative consequences such as being forced off the field or other punitive actions. Having communal support is a crucial step in the healing process. If you need support, I offer trauma-informed coaching—you can go here. No man is an island, I highly recommend you seek some sort of support.
- Reconnection to Spirituality: Feeling unmoored from one’s spirituality, is a trauma, especially when that faith once offered, peace, comfort, security, surety, and confidence in a world of swirling doubt. The times when I’ve felt the most lost and traumatized were moments where I felt I couldn’t connect to God or the spirituality that had defined much of my existence. Reconnecting with God, and understanding He can hold all my pain, anger, resentment, emotions, shame, and still loves me, was a critical step in my healing journey. You can hire a spiritual director, or simply begin to open your heart again to God’s love, and be honest with Him about how you feel.
- Listening to Your Body: The body experiences and remembers trauma on a visceral level and is stored in your cells, which is why sometimes your body feels pain or offers warning signals before your emotions and mind catch up. In order to remain in a Ventral (green state) in your nervous system, you must listen to what your body is saying and honor it. Is it saying it can’t take anymore? Is it saying these mysterious headaches are because of trauma, is the auto-immune disease a result of undealt with trauma, is your exhaustion, a sign you need to slow down? Ask your body, “What do you need?” Does your body need a good cry, a nap, to do yoga, have a salad, to go for a run outside, to scream out all your pain and anger, to shake your body, hit something, or dance? All of these are ways you can move trauma through the body. I have many self-compassion exercises I practice including repeating helpful mantras over myself, “I am loved. I am safe. I have what I need to get through this.” More on healing trauma here. I also recommend The Artist’s Way for getting in touch with your needs again.
- Being in Nature: Nature has many healing properties, it has a way of elevating us above our situation, the gentle lap of the ocean can soothe our hurts, sunlight filtering through the forest can imbue us with hope, the slope of a mountain view can make us remember that God is bigger than us and He takes care of all His creation. Getting outside and grounding can be hugely helpful. Vitamin D reduces our cortisol, and being outside reduces our heart rate and inflammation, speeding up the healing process. Sometimes going for a walk or run can dramatically shift your mood. After re-entry when I was healing from my life overseas, I spent a lot of time outside and it was a balm to my soul.
While there are many more ways to heal missionary trauma, I don’t want to overwhelm you, but to give you a starting point. In my coaching calls, I’m able to go more in-depth. Can you take one of these steps today and set yourself on the path of healing?
I love hearing from you. You can reply to this email with a note sharing your story, letting me know why you liked the article or what you want to see more of, or comment below to start the discussion around this important topic.
Be well, my loves.
