On Christmas day, after an agonizing two week wait following in-vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments in New York, I’ll find out whether or not I’m pregnant. I didn’t plan it this way, my heart palpitating with anxiety during an already tender time, and yet like so many things with infertility, it was outside my control. For
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This entire year has been a year of clenching. Body curled inward, tight. Neck stiff, shoulders closed. Like many of you, it began with a move. Transition. That cavernous word. As global nomad’s, we call many places home and movement seems to be our mantra. Whether welcome or unwanted, whether reentering after living on the field, being
A Missionary’s Guide to Peace in Unrest Read More »
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“And when I reveal my true heart, not everyone is going to approve. What I know now is that I don’t need them to.” ― Alicia Keys, More Myself – We sit cross legged sifting white shells through our fingers, tracing the grooves like braille. My son is on the towel in front of me as I rest
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Sometimes I can forget. How long I fought for him. How much grief I endured. This morning I held my son against my chest and breathed in his blonde hair, as if trying to inhale him into my body. He’s 17 months now, he’s a toddler tottering around on beach paths and mouthing words, throwing fits
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When we’re in survival mode, self-care can feel like a foregone luxury. However, our mental health is at risk during coronavirus as much as our physical health, if not more so. We often don’t make the time to take care of ourselves. Perhaps we think it’s frivolous or maybe we’ve been taking care of others
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A life interrupted. That’s what this feels like. Evergreen resource: Although I originally wrote this guide during the COVID-19 pandemic, the missionary debriefing worksheets and daily reflection prompts below are useful for global workers navigating re-entry, burnout, grief, stress, or major transitions at any time. Re-entry is close to my heart because mine was so
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The weight of the world is grief now. The ocean mirrors how I feel. Grey, turbulent, tossed about. The heaviness of another morning of unknowns. Or worse, more bad news. My toddler wakes up with a fever, crying. I press my lips to his forehead and try to still my racing thoughts. What if? We
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There is still beauty in the world the seagull wing feathered in the sand molten and silvery waves in motion tousled as the son’s curls, the ocean curved around him a wrestled embrace white coral weathered by sun lying in promise The birds diving on as if they knew a secret knew
Because the World Needs Poetry Right Now Read More »
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“Regulation is the nervous system’s ability to navigate the highs and lows of activation (triggering) and return to calm. ” -Patti Elledge (Trauma Therapist) Right now the world feels like it’s in chaos. With the coronavirus pandemic, and travel bans in place, the stock market plummeting, toilet paper shortages, and our jobs and economic futures uncertain, there
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It was 6:00 in the morning. I’d woken up early to slip out before the baby woke. The silhouette of pine trees contrasting against the shimmering grey of the lake comforted me, beckoned me. I had dreams of having my morning coffee on the deck and doing some writing. Alone. I just wanted to be
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Chasing after a nine month old has kept me quiet on this blog for a while. I took a break from writing to focus solely on my son and on this transition into motherhood (And a move! What are we crazy?) I have been savoring my time with Atlas because I know it goes so quickly. But
Struggling with Re-Entry? This Retreat Might Be For You Read More »
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Motherhood isn’t what I thought it would be. I hate even saying that. Eight weeks in and I’m dreaming of a Mexican beach. Completely alone. No tiny fingernails digging into my flesh. If you’ve seen my Instagram feed then you know I had a baby. A long awaited, long fought for baby. A baby I
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